There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
