How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
