Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
