he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
