i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
