whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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