my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
