You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
