So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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