fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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