Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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