Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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