I just threw up on my dentist
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Pooping to opera.
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