I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
