im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
