i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
