Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
