the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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