I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
