What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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