Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
