Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
