Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
