I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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