If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
