i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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