I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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