She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
