she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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