Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm just crazy horny about you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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