Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
