Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
