i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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