This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
did i walk over a car last night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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