please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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