This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
