I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I want her autograph on my taint
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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