I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
