the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
