i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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