so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
