Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
farters have to be the big spoon...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
