paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
