No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
