I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
