i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
