Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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