and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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