if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
