The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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