On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
