He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you had me at cake vodka
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
