if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
