I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
