so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
