i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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